Lanyard Attachments 101

EziTag Epistler

EziTag Epistler

14 Apr 2015

I was taught in Economics 101 that the fundamentals of life are food clothing and shelter. However my tutor forgot the fourth fundamental – lanyard attachments. (Don’t laugh, I’m being serious). Lanyard attachments are those things that connect to the dangly things at the end of your lanyard, usually a conference name tag. And without these attachments we wouldn’t know who’s who because the name tag identifies people. (Are you with me so far?) Good.

Unidentified people create chaos. They get into the footy for free, although this could be a blessing when Richmond has an off day. They can also enter security conferences to learn our military secrets. Gluttons for punishment can secretly get into parliament and discover how Canberra uses our tax dollars - usually in the Parliamentary Dining Room over a quality ’72 Red. Or two.

You see, a lanyard without a lanyard attachment is simply a piece of unattached fabric failing its primary objective. It’s economically unviable, and we all know what happens in this capitalistic 21st century society when they (or we) are no longer a vital unit of economic input. That’s right. We no longer have the means to secure our fundamentals of life – food clothing and shelter.

So, you’ve been warned. Buy a Lanyard Attachment today if you want your name tag to be a contributor to society’s functioning.