The office music was so bad I now work from home

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EziTag Epistler

1 Jul 2014

The working from home question - Or how I learned to start worrying and avoid Bob Dylan

A lot of people say to me “Epistler, you’re a worldly wise man with a massive IQ and an opinion I value more highly than my own parents’ - what are your thoughts on working from home?”

My answer may at first blush seem predictable, but bear with me. I don’t say “it depends” because some people don’t possess the discipline or conscientiousness to make it work. It depends…

… on the music situation in your office.

Look, I’m not intrinsically against sound in the professional environment. Yes, in the main I think efficiency and silence go hand in glove, but I’m not entirely averse to the odd whispered query or even a quiet chat between close colleagues in the lunch area (strictly between the hours of 12.05pm and 12.25pm, of course).

What I am against is co-workers imposing their musical predilections upon others.

Although it is true to say that music is to some extent a subjective art form, there are some objective facts that accompany it:

Fact 1: Not one good song has been produced in the last 12 years.

Fact 2: In Blinded By The Light, the lyric goes 'Revved up like a Deuce', not 'Wrapped like a douche', you fool. 

Fact 3: There’s only so much Bob Dylan any right-thinking person can take.

Permit me to elaborate on Fact 3. Before I became a perennial work-from-homer my colleagues took it upon themselves to pipe music through the EziTag office PA system from 8am until 6pm. For a while it was an unrelenting deluge of pop drivel so I told them it was either Rhianna or it was me. They chose Rhianna. I choked myself with a lanyard as a form of protest. This got their attention and they agreed to add some sophistication to the selection. This is when Bob Dylan arrived.

He never left.

Yes, thank you, Bob for fighting the good fight on Rubin Carter, but could you have shaved a few minutes off Hurricane and brought it down to a relatively manageable 5 minutes, rather than leaving it long enough to be the commentary over a feature length movie?

Also, not all songs need to rhyme:

Now you see this one-eyed midget shouting the word 'now'.

And you say, for what reason? And he says, 'how?'

And you say, what does this mean? And he screams back, 'you're a cow'. 

It's only missing 'wow', 'eyebrow' and 'Slough'.

But back to the question of working from home. If it gets you away from music you can barely tolerate, then whether you get any work done is irrelevant.

The times they are a changin’, but one thing will remain true forever: preserving your sanity is more important than productivity.